A Commentary Upon All “43 people who might run against Trump in 2020”

dwayne

(Featured image: Ladies and Gentlebeings, the Next President of the United States!)

Here’s the original from The Hill. Since I’m probably one of the approximately 0.4% of Americans who can identify every one of these characters without reading the article, I claim rights to comment upon them; and since I was professionally in politics for many years I have a highly developed sense of irony in regard to the justifications and lies people tell themselves about why they are The One With the Mandate of Heaven.

Also, a lot of them made me laugh. Here goes (comments by me):

Former Vice President Joe Biden: Biden, 74, said he “regretted” not running in 2016. He stoked major speculation about 2020 with a busy travel schedule but later said, “Guys, I’m not running!” (By 2020 he’ll be so old he’ll be lucky to be upright. One of the 70-somethings on this list is statistically likely to die by Election Day 2020. I hope it’s not Joe. Will he be President? No. Will he run? No.)

Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.): Sanders, 75, emerged as a leader on the left after his 2016 presidential run, and he’s working with the Democratic National Committee to help unite the party. He wouldn’t rule out a 2020 run but said in January it’s “much too early” to discuss another bid. (By 2020 he’ll be so old he’ll be lucky to be upright. One of the 70-somethings on this list is statistically likely to die by Election Day 2020…)

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.): Warren, 67, has become one of the biggest thorns in Trump’s side. In an April interview, Warren said she has no plans to run in 2020 and is focused on her 2018 reelection. (Won’t run because she’s not nearly tough enough. She’s like a weaker more idiotically Progressive Dukakis who’s liable to start crying before the Iowa caucuses.)

Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.): Harris, 52, has been in the Senate for just four months, but the rising star is already floated as a potential contender. The former California attorney general said she’s not thinking about future campaigns. (Who bitch this is? Oh yeah, main qualifications–woman, multi-racial, short time in Senate, sexy beast oh wait she thinks she the female Obama, and he thought she was the hottest state AG in America…failed CA Bar exams. We already elected a male Obama, this just ain’t going to happen. Can see Barry having a secret affair with her though. Did I mention she failed Bar Exam?)

Sen. Chris Murphy (D-Conn.): The vocal gun control advocate has been another strong Trump critic. The White House reportedly asked consultants to look into Murphy, 43, and four other possible Trump challengers. (Another Noertheast uber-Liberal. When did one of those win the Presidency? Oh yeah, 1988!)

Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn.): Klobuchar, 56, is running for reelection next year, but she stoked major speculation with her plans to travel to Iowa, a crucial state on the primary schedule, this weekend. (She’s a woman, and she’s a Liberal from Minnesota. Could probably carry some of Hillary’s states and get to 150 Electoral votes. A female Fritz Mondale.)

Facebook CEO and founder Mark Zuckerberg: Zuckerberg, 32, who also co-founded an immigration advocacy organization, created some buzz when he said he’ll visit all 50 states this year. (NOW we’re talking! Let’s get out of the box of a bunch of Whitewashed Senators! Zuck has the smarts, the ambition and the money. He has the World’s Greatest Propaganda Machine. He has the Napoleonic urge to become World Caesar. He’ll actually be old enough to qualify! Downside: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. If you had to watch this guy on TV for hours everyday, month after month, you’d rather kill him than elect him. But he could pull it off, God Help Us, he could pull it off.)

Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.): Booker’s meteoric rise from a mayor of Newark, N.J., to U.S. senator has prompted speculation about a future run for president. While Booker, 48, won’t discuss future plans, he didn’t rule it out, either. (As Steve Sailer wrote, he needs a good Black Woman wife and a baby Stat! In other words, ne needs a Beard.)

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.): Gillibrand, Clinton’s Senate successor in 2009, earned Democratic cred by leading the Senate Democrats in votes against confirming Trump’s Cabinet nominees. But Gillibrand, 50, says she’s focused on her 2018 reelection campaign and recently ruled out a 2020 run. (Pussy power. Reasonably attractive. Overly aggressive. Men will drive 100 miles to make sure to vote for the opponent when in the privacy of the voting booth. Kind of like with Hillary.)

Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper: Hickenlooper, 65, who was on Clinton’s vice presidential shortlist, has been floated. He told the Denver Post that he’s not running for president. (Goofball. But I’d vote for him over ANY female Senator!)

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo: Cuomo, 59, is running for reelection in 2018, but he hired two fundraisers from Florida, a sign that he could be considering a presidential run. (Corrupt legacy pol living in sin with his mistress at the Governor’s Mansion. No way in hell he could clean up his shit in time to be a sane alternative in any universe, even cartoon.)

Former Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley: O’Malley, 54, didn’t gain much traction in his 2016 run, but he’s already testing the waters again. A political action committee affiliated with him polled Democratic caucus voters in Iowa, and he visited New Hampshire in April. (Keep lifting the weights, Marty!)

Former Housing and Urban Development Secretary Julián Castro: Castro, 42, was on Clinton’s vice presidential shortlist. The former San Antonio mayor drew national attention for his 2012 Democratic National Convention speech. (The definition of lightweight. Couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag. Diversity hire being on this list.)

Sen. Tim KaineTim Kaine(D-Va.): Kaine, 59, grew his profile as Clinton’s running mate. After the election, Kaine ruled out running for president or vice president in 2020. He’s up for reelection in 2018. (Please God let him get it. Such an asshole he made Mike Pence look like a genius on national TV. Also ran around with Commies and murderers in Latin America. I’m sure that’s win over the White HS grad vote!)

Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.): Franken, 65, emerged as a tough critic during the confirmation hearings for Trump’s Cabinet picks. In an interview, he said he’s not running, noting that senators generally don’t fare well running for president. (No, wait, please God let HIM get it. Needed all the help he could get from vote supervisors in MN to cheat his way into office. Bright side, probably wouldn’t lose California.)

Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio): Brown, 64, was on Clinton’s running mate shortlist. He could face a tough reelection in 2018, though, after Trump won his state in 2016. (All the good feeling and warmth of Terminator 2, the one made of liquid metal.)

Former Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick: Patrick, 60, left office in 2015 and now works at Bain Capital. He’s been previously floated as a presidential contender and is close with a former top Obama adviser, David Axelrod. (Racially qualified, and not too Black, but…ANOTHER Massachusetts Prog? Cripes, they’re coming out of the woodwork here. If the Dems want to lose, he’s a good choice!)

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio: De Blasio, 55, is running for reelection this year. His political prospects have been buoyed by the news that he won’t face charges in a federal investigation into his 2013 campaign fundraising. (GET OUTTA HERE! Communist with a Black lesbian wife whose major accomplishment was “avoiding charges.” I’m sure the rest of America will give him a good look!)

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban: The billionaire businessman and “Shark Tank” star frequently clashed with Trump in 2016 and endorsed Clinton. Cuban, 58, has said “we will see” about whether he runs for president. (Trump-lite, in a way. Considering the crap politicians who make up most of this list I find myself strangely drawn to this known Prog)

Environmental activist Tom Steyer: The billionaire donor, 59, who runs a climate change advocacy group, is considered a possible candidate for California governor in 2018. (Bitch, please. Ok, if he actually wins California Gov we’ll see. Otherwise, a known job-killer to Middle America.)

Democratic National Committee Chairman Tom Perez: The former Labor secretary, 55, was elected head of the national party this year and is looking to rebuild after the 2016 elections. (Fuck, no.)

Minnesota Gov. Mark Dayton: Dayton, 70, was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer but plans to finish out his term, which ends in 2018. (More a candidate to pass on by 2020, though I have no personal animus to the cranky old bastard.)

Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe: The term-limited governor will be out of office in January 2018. McAuliffe, 60, is a well-connected ally of both Bill and Hillary Clinton and a former DNC chairman. (Christ yes, let’s run a Clinton surrogate from the Left Coast! Actually, this guy is smarter than most of this list, so I think he’s like top 8 of reasonableness.)

California Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom: Newsom, 49, launched an early 2018 bid for California governor. He’s said being president seems “like the most miserable job in the world.” (Sure, his actions as Mayor of Sodom and Gomorrah are sure to endear him to some of the same voters that pulled for Hillary. And that’s about it.) 

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg: Sandberg, 47, drew praise for her book “Lean In,” which discusses women in the workforce, but she has said she won’t run and will “continue to say no.” (If she picks the right next husband, maybe? A billionaire with impeccable Prog credentials? Hey, is Tom Steyer married?)

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz: Schultz, 63, is stepping down from his role and will be executive chairman. He was urged by friend to run in 2016, but he endorsed Clinton. (Gaffe machine in the making.)

Former first lady Michelle Obama: The former first lady proved a formidable campaigner for Clinton in 2016, but Obama, 53, and others close to her have said she won’t run for elected office. (She won’t. It would sure be fun to watch though, when she got her dander up. I predict her and BO are going to be leading semi-separate lives form now on, anyway. He needs some action.)

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson: The wrestler and star of the “Fast and the Furious” film franchise has flirted with running for office. A registered Republican, Johnson, 45, spoke at the party’s convention in 2000, but documentary filmmaker Michael Moore has urged him to run. One potential political ally: Warren, who has described herself as a fan of Johnson’s HBO show “Ballers.” (Frankly, If Dwayne Johnson runs for President he’ll win. Straight up. Physically compelling, smart, funny, well-spoken and subtly un-PC when I’ve seen him talk. Racially diverse. “Ladies and Gentlebeings, your next President of the United States, Dwayne…”)

Rep. Tulsi Gabbard (D-Hawaii): Gabbard, 36, hasn’t been afraid to buck her party. She drew scrutiny for secretly meeting with Syrian President Bashar Assad and criticizing the U.S. strike on Syria following Assad’s alleged use of chemical weapons on civilians. (Pulling for her. Sure, she mouths most Prog verbiage but she’s got the je ne sais quoi, indeed. Also anti-bombing stuff. I think she’s got a shot to run and be The Rock’s Veep!)

Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn.): Ellison, 53, was a prominent Sanders supporter and was a leading contender for DNC chairman before losing to Perez. He now serves as the DNC’s deputy chairman. (WTF, the Hill, talk about Affirmative Action! Five minutes listening to him hate Christian America on YouTube should suffice for Joe Six Pack to decide to vote for anyone else, Jesus, even Elizabeth Warren!)

Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney (D-N.Y.): Maloney, 50, considered a bid to lead the House Democrats’ campaign arm this cycle, but passed. He wrote Democrats’ autopsy on the 2016 elections. (Better get his national name recognition above 0.7%, quick!)

California Gov. Jerry Brown: Brown, whose term is up in 2018, doesn’t think he’ll run for office again, but wouldn’t rule it out. Brown, 79, has run for president three times. (California, Uber Alles!)

Media mogul Oprah Winfrey: Winfrey, 63, who endorsed Clinton, is frequently floated for president but has said she will “never” run. (The thought does indeed amuse, but what Universe could this actually happen in?)

Former Sen. Russ Feingold (D-Wis.): Feingold, 64, served in the Senate from 1993 to 2011, but he lost a comeback bid in 2016. He considered a presidential run in 2008. (Might not even win Wisconsin in the general!)

Former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean: Dean, 68, unsuccessfully ran for president in 2004. Dean, whose tenure as DNC chairman from 2005 to 2009 was marked by its successful “50 States Strategy,” briefly ran for DNC chair this year before dropping out. (I actually take this guy fairly seriously. Could get the Bernie Bros and Progs of all stripes and actually win some primaries. As long as he doesn’t say something stupid.)

Former Vice President Al Gore Gore, 69, who lost the 2000 presidential election after a Supreme Court decision, reemerged in politics when stumping for Clinton last year. (Oh just fuck no though it would be the funniest thing EVAH to see him running! He’d better hit the gym soon, or get his chakras aligned or something.)

Sen. Mark WarnerMark Warner (D-Va.): Warner, 62, ruled out a 2020 run: “I think that window is probably shut.” (Actually, he’s smarter and better spoken than most of the lamehacks on this list, and that’s not nothing!)

Former Sen. Jim Webb (D-Va.): Webb ran for the Democratic nomination in 2016 but dropped out after only polling in the single digits. He briefly weighed running as an independent. Since the 2016 race, Webb, 71, has pitched himself as a politician who can understand the white working-class voters who are flocking to Trump. (Love him. Ain’t gonna happen. He’s too good for this.)

Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti: Garcetti, 46, is considering a 2018 bid for California governor, but The New York Times reported that national donors have urged him to run for president. (Why not? He’s a consummate sleazy, oily politician of the Old School. Maybe people will want that in 2020? Once again though, a Left Coast Prog. I bet the party Elders are going to want someone who can WIN?)

Rep. Seth Moulton (D-Mass.): Moulton, an Iraq War veteran, was also mentioned in the New York Times story and privately says he’s not ruling out a bid. Moulton, 38, brushed aside the story but is fundraising off of it anyway. (A Marine. By God, I’d rather see him in there than 90% of this list. But he’s better get his name rec above 0.5% ASAP.)

New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu: Landrieu, 56, called the a New York Times story about him considering a run “hysterical.” He gained notoriety after defending the removal of Confederate memorials in New Orleans. (Just shoot me if this jackass even gets a sniff! What a maroon, as Bugs Bunny said. If he was a Dwarf, he’d be Dopey.)

Sen. Tammy Duckworth (D-Ill.): Duckworth, 49, recently made the switch from the House to the Senate. She’s an Iraq War veteran and lost both of her legs while serving as a Army helicopter pilot during the war. (Well, she’s a woman and a wounded vet, and that might be enough to get the nomination in 2020. I’m not even kidding.)

Washington Gov. Jay Inslee: The two-term governor was a congressman for more than a decade. Inslee, 66, played a role in his state’s lawsuit against Trump’s travel ban. (Last on the list, for good reason! No, it’s not happening. NOnonono–what? Oh, gotta go. not happening…)

 

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4 thoughts on “A Commentary Upon All “43 people who might run against Trump in 2020”

  1. Pingback: A Commentary Upon All “43 people who might run against Trump in 2020” | Reaction Times

  2. Thanks. I’m sure I’ll be making much reference to this in the months and years to come. Assuming men (especially white men) are out of the picture, Kamala Harris, Tulsi Gabbard, and Tammy Duckworth have to be the ones to watch.

    UK Bookmakers are quoting 20 to 1 against Kamala, 50 to 1 against Tulsi Gabbard. No odds quoted for Duckworth but my gut says they’d offer 66 to 1 if you asked. That’s where Chelsea Clinton is posted.

    Liked by 1 person

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